Dos
Hold on to your friendships. Your friends bring out different aspects of your personality that are authentically you, and this helps keep you from losing yourself in your relationship. Good friends also offer diverse and distinct attributes to our lives. This counters the unrealistic pressure we put on ourselves to get everything from just one person or one relationship.
Expand your world, make new friends and try new things. Research shows that having a number of close friends adds years to your life. When relationship partners shrink their worlds to accommodate each other, the relationship suffers. Instead meet your partner's friends and have him or her meet yours. Try new activities together, and be open to each other's interests.
Hold on to your friendships. Your friends bring out different aspects of your personality that are authentically you, and this helps keep you from losing yourself in your relationship. Good friends also offer diverse and distinct attributes to our lives. This counters the unrealistic pressure we put on ourselves to get everything from just one person or one relationship.
Expand your world, make new friends and try new things. Research shows that having a number of close friends adds years to your life. When relationship partners shrink their worlds to accommodate each other, the relationship suffers. Instead meet your partner's friends and have him or her meet yours. Try new activities together, and be open to each other's interests.
Keep being the individual you were before you got in the relationship. When you give up aspects of yourself, you stop being the person your partner fell in love with. When you mold yourself to suit your partner, whether he or she asks for it or not, you lose your vitality and your relationship suffers.
Allow your partner to keep his/ her friends (regardless of their sex). When you restrict your partner's movement, he/ she will start to resent you and may become less straightforward to avoid dealing with your reaction. Your partner needs to keep his/ her friends for all the same reason you need to keep yours. By letting your partner be free, you ensure that you're his/ her "real" choice. You don't want someone to be with you out of obligation, guilt, or fear. You want it to be because they love you (and trust you) for who you are, and because you love them for exactly the same reason.
Allow your partner to keep his/ her friends (regardless of their sex). When you restrict your partner's movement, he/ she will start to resent you and may become less straightforward to avoid dealing with your reaction. Your partner needs to keep his/ her friends for all the same reason you need to keep yours. By letting your partner be free, you ensure that you're his/ her "real" choice. You don't want someone to be with you out of obligation, guilt, or fear. You want it to be because they love you (and trust you) for who you are, and because you love them for exactly the same reason.
Don'ts
Don't lie to your relationship partner, even by omission. This means not engaging in activities with other men or women that you are not willing to disclose to your partner. Deceptions may seem self-preserving in the moment, but they will only drive you apart in the long run. When people find out they've been deceived by a loved one, they will often lose any trust in that person, which then leads to either heightened jealousy, attempts to control, or to rejection.
Don't talk about relationship problems with other potential love interests. Using someone as a confidante, who is not necessarily unbiased or a "friend" of the relationship, is not getting objective advice and may drive you and your partner apart.
Don't use contact with other people to make your partner jealous. This is a form of manipulation. Even if gets your partner's attention, he or she will resent you for it and think less of you.
Don't create false expectations in other people who may be interested in you romantically. Be clear about your boundaries. If you aren't, your "friend's" expectations can lead your partner to feel unnecessarily threatened.
Don't turn your partner into a parent, where you are asking his or her permission to go out or do something on your own. In turn, don't restrict your partner by imposing too many restraints on his/ her actions. This creates a parent-child dynamic of inequality in your relationship that will have a ripple effect. Eventually, this pattern of relating may cause you to feel resentful and your partner to feel like he or she is in control. Instead of acting out these parental or childish attitudes, you can strive to engage your partner in a respectful conversation between two equal and caring adults. In this framework, you can both express your desires, while taking your partner's thoughts and feelings into serious consideration.
If our goal is to enjoy a rich and sustainable relationship, it is essential to maintain equality, honesty, respect, and individuality.
Don't lie to your relationship partner, even by omission. This means not engaging in activities with other men or women that you are not willing to disclose to your partner. Deceptions may seem self-preserving in the moment, but they will only drive you apart in the long run. When people find out they've been deceived by a loved one, they will often lose any trust in that person, which then leads to either heightened jealousy, attempts to control, or to rejection.
Don't talk about relationship problems with other potential love interests. Using someone as a confidante, who is not necessarily unbiased or a "friend" of the relationship, is not getting objective advice and may drive you and your partner apart.
Don't use contact with other people to make your partner jealous. This is a form of manipulation. Even if gets your partner's attention, he or she will resent you for it and think less of you.
Don't create false expectations in other people who may be interested in you romantically. Be clear about your boundaries. If you aren't, your "friend's" expectations can lead your partner to feel unnecessarily threatened.
Don't turn your partner into a parent, where you are asking his or her permission to go out or do something on your own. In turn, don't restrict your partner by imposing too many restraints on his/ her actions. This creates a parent-child dynamic of inequality in your relationship that will have a ripple effect. Eventually, this pattern of relating may cause you to feel resentful and your partner to feel like he or she is in control. Instead of acting out these parental or childish attitudes, you can strive to engage your partner in a respectful conversation between two equal and caring adults. In this framework, you can both express your desires, while taking your partner's thoughts and feelings into serious consideration.
If our goal is to enjoy a rich and sustainable relationship, it is essential to maintain equality, honesty, respect, and individuality.
Source: Prince
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